The Other Woman...

This this blog entry is from  a client of mine who wanted to share her story and also in a way apologize for what she has done especially after karma hits her... always remember what goes around comes around this is a letter from a side chick.... "The other woman"

I am a human being- I am flawed; I make mistakes, in fact I have made a ton of bad decisions. I rush into things, I force things. I judge things, I judge situations, and I judge people. I hate things that are not supposed to be hated, I love and like things that are not supposed to be. I left people who were not supposed to be left behind, and I loved people who were not to supposed to be loved and kept.
WARNING: This post is about being the other woman.
This should really be kept in private. Because this is not something that people will look up to, especially to young girls who can read this (assuming. murag naa poy muagwantag basa ani.) But this is a concrete example that being the other woman is only convenient in few months or years time, but it will never last.
So anyway, I ended my relationship and marriage. Reasons behind were accusations that eventually lead to facts. I landed with someone new- someone who has a kid, and who was or still in a relationship with the mother of his kid. I know it was so wrong to still continue the relationship or even begin a relationship with this guy. But hey! I did. Oh yes I did! I put aside my guilt, my conscience, everything that will kill me in my sleep, knowing that there is this other woman, on the other side of the world, expecting her man to be faithful, expecting her man to be back to her and their son's loving arms. The relationship was so convenient at first, I have to admit. I got the attention, the care, the presence- I got mostly everything. Months have past- the relationship grew. We then started to plan out our future TOGETHER. But I have not forgotten that I am ONLY the other woman. We did things together, accomplished things together, he supported me with my goals and dreams in life and with the things I wanna do and need to do. And I was the same with him. Things eventually turned out okay- despite of the arguments and disagreements we had. This eventually turned out really good- beyond what we have expected despite the fact that the relationship was a big mistake to begin with. I never told him to break up or leave the mother of his child. I never suggested nor gave him a deadline or I am out. But with what I was doing- staying with him, suggested otherwise. But one morning, He broke the news with me, that finally- they are over. But I did not believe it. Until he started telling me that he haven't talked to his child for a while because the girl didn't want him to have that privilege. Out of stupidity, I told him to get back with the girl, for the sake of the child, for the sake of his relationship with his child. I guess, they did get back together. The girl will be calling him while we were out together, and I saw the look in his eyes that he wanted to answer it but I was there. I swallowed my pride, and told him to answer the phone, I will be quiet and not say anything- at times he would still not answer the phone, but sometimes he does. So at times, when he does, I was besides him, listening to them talking. I just thank God that I do not understand French, so the hurt and the bleeding would remain minimal. Yet, I know I do not have the right to get hurt. One day came that he told me he wants things to be NORMAL, to be the real deal; that he wants me to be in his life, that he wants to build his future with me- then told me and for real this time, they are over. That he will deal with the fact that he will not be talking to his child anymore. I did not know what to feel that time- it was bitter sweet. I did not want his child to be growing up without him, I did not want the same thing that happened to my own kid, yet sweet- because finally I am not the other woman anymore. I was lured and blinded with his words and everything enticing about him. I was blinded by the fantasy I have built around our immoral relationship. Months and months have past- we grew together- we faced problems together. Yet I wondered, why can't he post anything on his social media(s) about us, nor about me. So I asked him. I asked him couple of times. And each time his reasons adds up to the previous ones he have told me. Reasons which were it is not just his thing to post, that he post randomly, that he does not wanna be posting stuffs yet because he is not yet in the pedestal where he wanna be in. Stupid reasons, still I accepted it. I left it like that. But I knew there was a big reason behind it. I knew that he does not want the girl to know about me, nor the ex he used to love head over heels before. I have confronted him about it- the same reasons were told. But, he started posting on his snap about us though but very rarely. Up until recently; he was telling me that he is going to post the short clip we had on his IG, I knew he will not do it, but he was trying to prove that he can- so i dared him. And yes! he did. I was surprised. But I did not mean to see, that after he posted it, he have searched the girl and his ex, he blocked them, so they could not see it. And yes! I do not have the rights to get hurt- but I did! Right after that happened, everything became clear to me, the puzzle I have been trying to complete became more visible and identifiable in my head. That being the other woman is the ticket and license for a guy to be doing you stupid, to treat you like shit behind those sweet words and actions he does.
Girls, do not settle with being the other woman. Do not be with someone who is still in a relationship with someone else and promises that they will be completely yours right after you give them your yes. Being the other woman gives you the power to demand stuffs (material things)- but he will never give you the real deal. He will give you a house, but never a home. He will give you attention but never affection. He will give you care but never comfort. He will give you the understanding but never the acceptance. He will give you the passion but never the Love. He would let you meet the people in his life- but never his real friends and family- you would not even know the name of his mom or his bestfriend(s).  He can fuck you so good, but he could not ever make love to you. You will not be shown to the world as his queen- you will always be shown to the world as his slave. Being the other woman, takes away your good education, where you have earned your degree and what you do for a living. And yes it might be true that they are in the process of leaving the original woman- yet it is not right for a real man to be in a new relationship without ending the one he still has on his hands.
People will judge me- you will judge me. And I should not care, I should care less. And I have to care less about it, because these are my actions. So I have to face the consequences. I never wanted to be the other woman, I never dreamt to have the lux of being one- because there are no lux of being the other woman. I never wanted to be the sidechick. But I entered into one- hoping that the wrong thing will turn out good or will justify at the end of the tunnel. But there are just some things that no matter what we do if we started it wrong- it will always be wrong- it will end up wrong.
To the girl that I broke her heart- I am really sorry. I should've have known better. To your child- I am really really sorry, I did not mean to take away your dad from you. If I could undo some things- including this- but I cannot. I had no rights to break you and hurt you but I already did, and sorry is the least I could do.
To all the other women, I don't know what are your reasons why you are in that position. And I cannot blame you why you are there- sometimes- we are just blinded by the idea of love. And all we wanted to do is love and to be loved in return. But it is not yet to late. The right love will come, as soon as we start taking the right direction.
To all the girls, please do not engage with this kind of behavior. Please be the woman that God have prepared and wanted you to be. Please be the princesses that your parents have brought you up to be. Please be the queens that your daughters and sons will be looking up to. Please be the woman with dignity and self respect. You deserve better guys, and a real man. We deserve better men- the one who will give us not the conveniences but the good things even if things are falling apart.
and To you- I will be over you soon, thank you for the lesson- it came and hit me so hard- that I have to pick myself up twice as I should need to be. And whatever you have now, I do pray that it will really work. Please do not be walking around breaking hearts.

Theresa Zollicoffer
Wedding officiant and Relationship Coach
Twin Soul Connections

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